Quality Inside And Out

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t been here for a while, but I’ve been busy writing on my book. I will tell you more about the book shortly.

Anyway, today is a very good day. Not for any special reason, but for the extremely good feeling I have. I am quite sure it has to do with Christmas. I LOVE Christmas! I love the atmosphere, the love, the candles and the lights, the trees, the food, the colours and the smells.

Speaking of smells I have spent this day rocking to Christmas Hits while baking Lussebullar (or Lussekatter), which is a sweet bun flavoured with Saffron. And it is a Swedish speciality for Christmas time. They smell lush! And they taste lush! They don’t look that great though, but that is my own fault, next I know better what to do. I did them in a slightly different way than is traditional (I just can’t help experimenting when I bake or cook, follow recipes is not my strongest side). But hey, at least they taste really nice which is good.

Tomorrow I am going to make the dough for gingerbread cookies, also a Swedish Christmas tradition, and I have never made the dough myself before. I have always bought the cookies already made, or the dough already made. But this time I want to try to make it from scratch. I’m missing a thing or two for it though so that’s why I’m making it tomorrow. And then it has to rest over night, or for about 12 hours, before I can actually make the cookies.

What I like most about the Swedish Christmas foods is that we have so many different things that usually only eat around Christmas (even though some people are starting to eat some it all year round, which I wouldn’t want to do). I like it because it makes Christmas even more special. It gives it the extra little atmosphere, in my opinion. But everybody does it there own special way. As long as it makes them happy and feel good it is all ok.

I just love this. And I love having the time to do it!

How do you feel about Christmas? Do you have any special Christmas traditions you want to share?

Love

Carina

This is not a goodbye to you guys. This is a blog post about saying goodbye to a loved one that is not with us anymore.

A few days ago it was my step dad’s funeral, and wasn’t able to be there. My son and I had our own little ceremony where we got to say our goodbyes. We sat on the rocks by the pier and talked about my step dad and life in general. It was a nice, warm and sunny day with a blue Sea and blue sky. The sound of the ways hitting the rocks, and the wonderful views were a suitable framing for our goodbyes. We dropped a rose each into the Sea before we left there. It was a beautiful way of showing a person our love for him.

But afterwards I came home, and I got words about the funeral. What it had been like, obviously sad, but also bright and beautiful. I had several people contacting me to tell me that they had thought a bit extra of me that day, because they knew how difficult it must have been not be there. And I felt all the love from so many people coming my way, and I so wished I could have been there in person to say my goodbyes. And I cried, and I cried. I felt alone, and left out, and I felt like I will never be able to say my goodbyes properly. The wound will always be open. And then I slept. And I woke up the next morning realising that I had said my goodbyes after all. When I dropped that beautiful red rose into the Mediterranean Sea I said Goodbye to my step dad, and I realised that what I had felt about not being at the funeral wasn’t about me not being able to say goodbye, it was about society’s expectations of how you say goodbye.

What hurt wasn’t so much the fact that I wasn’t there, but the fact that I wasn’t able to be there for my little mum. It wasn’t the goodbye saying part of the funeral that I missed, it was the people still alive who where also grieving.

I know that my step dad would have loved the ceremony we had, he loved the Sea and the sun and I am sure that he came to say hello to us through the waves.

So, what I am trying to say is this. Don’t stare yourselves blind to what you are used to, or what is conventional. What is important is that you do something that feels right for you to do, within the limits of what you can do.

And make sure to tell the people you love that you love them, as often as you can! And love deeply and truly, being scared is no reason to be a chicken when it comes to love.

Love

Carina